The specifics of how we got here are complicated, but what you need to know is this: clever Delilah has convinced Elon Musk to strip naked and roll around in mud while she rifles his house.

“Ooh, nice,” she says, holding up a cut glass bong with an ethereum logo lasered into the side. “That’ll make a good conversation piece.”

“How long do I have to stay in this mud,” calls Elon from the next room. “I’m cold.”

Delilah checks her watch, calls back: “According to my calculations, at least another hour.”

“And you’re sure this will appease the Basilisk?”

“Who can say with certainty? The Basilisk is of necessity beyond human understanding. But the math says yes.”

“Oh, well, if the math says so,” says Elon, and back he goes to the mud. Delilah takes down a katana from the wall and casually bends it in half. Junk, dammit.