Stepping Up

Some times it’s better to take the lumps and do your time. It’s some community service bullshit is what it is—they don’t dare touch her for anything major, but everybody gets a good yuk out of Tits Akimbo getting dinged on a noise violation.

“Who the hell is this,” drawls one of the punks to the open air. He’s got his feet up on the back of the chair she’ll be kicking out from underneath him later.

“New coach,” says the one that’s obviously the leader, all stupid hat and white undershirt. “Some community service bullshit is what this is.” Everybody groans. “Look, lady—”

“Tits,” Tits cracks.

“—uh, Tits,” she continues, momentarily thrown, “the Big Dance Off is coming up and we don’t got time to bring you up to speed. You stay outta our way, we’ll stay outta your hair. Everybody goes home happy—”

“Oh, holy balls, it’s Tits Akimbo,” screams one of them, and there’s instant dead silence.

“Oh, yes,” Tits purrs. “I don’t know jack about dancing, but I know all about winning, and we, my motley crew, are going to win.”