Full of Gore

dedicated to Lesley Gore, who is still very much alive (and awesome)

James wakes up from a coma to discover he’s been possessed by the vengeful spirit of Lesley Gore. She slashes his hair into a flip and buys a wicked clawhammer from Eagle Hardware.

“Doing some remodeling, uh, sir?” asks the salesman, confused by James’ incredibly dated hairdo.

Lesley cackles and whispers, “Now it’s Judy’s turn to cry!”

The old woman freezes with horror when they come from the drywall. “Lesley Gore!” she gasps. “It can’t be! You’re dead!”

“I’ll bet you all think I never found out,” purrs Lesley, and raises the hammer high.

The cops are reading him his Miranda rights, but he’s having a tough time focusing. “Do you understand these rights as I’ve explained them to you?”

He blinks at them and mumbles, “It’s my party. I can cry if I want to.”