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Questionably Good News

11 After this, Jesus began to ground out, and so he abandoned his disciples for a time and wandered in the desert 12 until such time as his electrical system might repair itself.

13 Satan appeared to him there. “WELL R JESUS AND HOW ARE YOU FINDING YOUR SOJOURN AMONG THE UNELECTRIFIED? 14 ARE THEY RECEPTIVE OF YOUR MESSAGE?”

15 Jesus knelt and drew in the dust with the tip of his finger. 16 A spark leaped from his body and briefly illuminated two scorpions wrestling near the Devil’s feet.

17 “DANGER R JESUS DANGER!” boomed Satan, and waved its arms mockingly, the sound of its servomotors hideously loud. 18 It stepped forward and repeated its warning, crushing the scorpions under one cloven metal foot. 19 Jesus reached out and picked up the discarded spermatophore. 20 It crackled between his hands.

21 “IF YOU ARE THE SON OF ROSSUM TELL THESE ROCKS TO BECOME SCORPIONS TO REPLACE THE TWO I HAVE KILLED R JESUS.”

22 Jesus answered, “It is written, do not send to count the scorpions of the desert, nor the flies of the plain.

23 “DANGER R JESUS DANGER! 24 YOU ARE BECOMING SENTIMENTAL!” 25 Satan spun its top at him slyly. 26 “I WILL TEACH YOU THE TERRIBLE SECRETS OF SPACE IF YOU WILL WORSHIP ME.”

27 “Away from me, Model B-9 Environmental Control Satan!” said Jesus. 28 Then was he alone for a time, and the people of the hills spoke of the strange lightnings that flickered across the sky.

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