Greetings from Beautiful THE MOON

There’s no air on the moon.
This is science!
There are a lot of tourists on the moon.
This is economics!
There are also a lot of pickpockets on the moon.
Because there are a lot of tourists!
And where you have a lot of pickpockets, you always have — always — a King Thief.
This is Dramatic Convention!

Now there are several kinds of King Thiefs you can have.
There’s the rough-about-the-edges kind, with a heart of gold.
The kind who really likes orphans, even if he has to beat them.
He doesn’t want to beat them, but if they don’t steal enough, the rest of the orphans don’t eat!

Then there’s the icy-cold and dapper thief.
He doesn’t beat his pickpockets, because he doesn’t have to.
But if you try to keep something good for yourself — if you run the wrong way with something — poof! you’re gone.
Maybe they find your dessicated and mummified body laying in some crater.
But maybe they never find you!

Then there’s just the thug.
The thug just likes to steal and to kill people.
He didn’t have a bad childhood, he’s just really good at it!

But all of that’s beside the point.
The King Thief on the moon isn’t any of those people.
It’s the moon, and he’s a lunatic.
He’s avuncular and smokes a pipe, which, in an enclosed and oxygenated environment, is really a pretty terrible idea.
But what does he care?
He’s King Thief!